Adrian was on the news last night serving as the poster child for the IVFF (Independent Video & Film Festival). It was a hoot - one which I don’t think either of us really wanted to be present for. After several years of part time work correcting audio, editing, and completing re-shoots the film finally premiered for an audience and got a lot of attention. Adrian pulled me up to the stage for a Q&A and that was a very weird experience. After all that’s gone on these last couple of months, I referred to myself as a web developer with media interests (shamed in my lack of movement as a filmmaker). Adrian quickly corrected me in front of hundreds of people citing my modesty as a strong element to my personality. Whatever.

Neither one of us wanted to be there - and I have the sneaking suspicion that if Maegen hadn’t drug us out of the house we wouldn’t have showed. A conversation about Myst came up in the car on the way - I was only mildly interested. I was concerned with the night’s impending humiliation - Adrian was concerned with our next move once we were proven publicly to be failures.

Maegen stayed over last night and we had a couple of drinks to celebrate. The last thing I remember was giggling while recollecting the events of the night. It was an odd circumstance.

The family is gathered at the house today but I took most of the afternoon and went back down to the festival to partake in the workshops. Ryan from MAF was there and it was kind of cool to see him. Adrian is wondering if he might be a resource for the Myst project but I haven’t really given a lot of thought to what he could bring to the table. Adrian thinks a third party could help us to be held accountable. I’m not sure that I want to be held accountable for anything.

Walking around campus some very strange events occurred. A lot of people were recognizing me and stopping me to say hi and ‘great film’. They wanted to hear more about how we made it, what equipment we used, how we found the talent — all questions that were truly meant for Adrian as I hadn’t been in LA when he shot. Everyone seemed to have the opinion that AIMH was a far cry from the rest of the work that was screening - some quality that was evident in the production value. I wish Adrian could have been there because it was even more positive feedback than the night before and being recognized like that, he could have walked around feeling a tad bit like a celebrity.

Things got really odd in the workshop I attended. While the festival isn’t competitive, a strange adversarial relationship has kind of formed between the various filmmakers who have work screening. One of these filmmakers, the one actually leading this workshop, had a piece screen right before Alone in My Head last night, and it hadn’t occurred to me until today, but I guess we kind of stole the lime light because during the shared Q&A no one was asking about the other works showing.

When I walked in to the room everyone turned and smiled and said hello and ‘great film’ like before, and as I was a little late, this ended up taking some of the attention away from the other filmmaker who had already started the session. I quickly found a seat, right by Ryan, and sunk down trying to gain some sort of anonymity but everyone sitting directly next to me kept on posing random questions and asking if I had any tips. I tried my best to express that I was trying to listen to the filmmaker speak and that we could talk later if time allowed, but these people were persistent.

And then suddenly, like a high school teacher who has just caught a student passing notes, the filmmaker leading the session asked me directly in front of the rest of the room: Do you have something to add, Patrick?

My immediate response (with a s*** eating grin): No, I think you’re doing quite well without me.

Ouch. While trying to dissuade the odd situation with a touch of humor, I’d inadvertently aired what I had just started realized to be the festival’s dirty laundry without even wanting to be a part of it. A moment passed. A strained silence. Everyone around me seemed to freeze and then the filmmaker continued.

Minutes passed. Points were made. People asked questions. I nodded in agreement (and other times in disagreement) and tried to keep to myself. Then it happened:

I hadn’t said a word. I didn’t give any strange looks. My eyes had been locked on the front of room and I was doing nothing but watching and listening to him speak. But in mid-sentence and without any warning he stopped dead, looked straight at me, and said:

Are you judging me?

Um, no — what?

I slithered out of the room after the workshop was over and did my best to prevent any additional contact with anyone. In an effort to show my support of my fellow web developers with media interests filmmakers I had somehow done nothing but offend. Is this the price of having a successful piece in the festival?

I don’t like this, at all. Even though I imagine that it will be a source of humor for years to come.

8:29 pm

tags: alone in my head, ivff, Ryan