I just put myself in debt. It’s been fun and I don’t care. After putting countless hours into boarding over the past several weeks, Chris has been getting pretty frustrated that I haven’t been around to be with her and Micam in the evenings, so we decided to go out this weekend and do some shopping for ourselves and the boy.

I call it grief spending - and it could be worse. It could have been a car, or a drug habit - maybe a gambling issue - but my biggest purchase was simply a new Yamaha receiver for my home theater setup so that when I play DVDs I’ll be able to feel the bumps of surround sound in my ass.

I promised Chris that I’d try to be around a little bit more for the next week or so, since she’ll be leaving soon - but I know that I won’t be able to uphold that promise - too much work to do, and November is getting closer and closer. Micam has gotten a lot bigger in these past several weeks, and Chris’s mom is all upset that she’s missing it (how does it feel?) Needless to say, I don’t feel bad about that - thus far, I’ve missed out on a pretty good fraction of my son’s life. Hopefully, I’ll be able to change that soon.

Which gives me pause. Here I am with the opportunity to spend as much time with my kid and girlfriend as I want - and instead, I find myself sweating downtown in some apartment with a group of guys eating buffalo wings and making “comic books.”

Sometimes, I wish everyone was a little more supportive of this process. I could be out drinking, having careless sex, doing anything and everything that goes along with self-destructive grief behavior - and instead, I’m sitting with a group of guys trying to build a future for a project. Blah.

Chris says she wants to help me hook up the Yamaha tonight after Micam goes to bed. She’s curious as to how loud it gets (and we’ll probably have to watch The Hours - again).

5:50 pm

tags: chris, micam, mom, shopping, the hours